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Sesame Street by very, very loosely based on characters created by Jim Henson and the CTW

The Cookie Monster is an obese and gluttonous aging crime boss with a mind ravaged by several strokes, brought on by a traitor in his outfit who has been lacing his chocolate chip cookies with acid, marijuana, cocaine, meth, and PCPs. The dying Godfather, demented and irrational, must fend off incursions into his territory and business interests by rivals Elmo, a hyper-active and sadistic Cuban drug-lord, and Oscar the Grouch, a powerful mobster who evades the authorities (specifically Detective Sherlock Hemlock) by pretending to be a crazy homeless man.

The Cookie Monster's gang is head-quartered in the basement of The Rubber Duckie, a gay/drag-club owned by the high-strung and hypochondriacal Bert, and Ernie, his flamboyant longtime companion and occasional drag performer the club. The bandleader at the club, saxophone player Hoots, and the head-waiter (and Cookie Monster's nephew) Grover, are also low-level associates of the crime family, unbeknownst to Mr. Johnson, a lecherous and unpleasant frequenter of the club who meets an equally unpleasant end due to his inability to pay for the male hustlers supplied to him by Cookie Monster. Trash TV talk show host Guy Smiley is equally punished by the outfit for failing to make good on his gambling debts, but TV reporter Kermit agrees to portray the family in a positive light in exchange for bribes.

Other members of The Cookie Monster's organization include his underboss Herry, a black-magic practicing Gothic pimp called The Count who trusts no one and obsessively counts and recounts his profits and slaps around his working girls Zoe and Rosita, The Cookie Monster's nephew Telly who is also a gun-toting paranoid conspiracy theorist and right-wing militia member, and Big Bird, a contract killer and enforcer who occasionally sees and receives commands from Snuffelupagus in drug-induced hallucinations.

Director Results

Director Total Votes: 1

  1. 1. Francis Ford Coppola 100% 

Cast Results

The Cookie Monster Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Marlon Brando 66% 
  2. 2. Jim Cummings 33% 

Elmo Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Al Pacino 66% 
  2. 2. Russi Taylor 33% 

Oscar the Grouch Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Jack Nicholson 66% 
  2. 2. Jim Cummings 33% 

Bert Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Dustin Hoffman 66% 
  2. 2. Steve Carell 33% 

Ernie Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Bill Murray 66% 
  2. 2. Adam Sandler 33% 

The Count Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Samuel L. Jackson 66% 
  2. 2. Jim Carrey 33% 

Herry Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Joe Pesci 66% 
  2. 2. Jon Favreau 33% 

Zoe Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Marisa Tomei 66% 
  2. 2. Hilary Duff 33% 

Grover Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. John Leguizamo 66% 
  2. 2. Pat Fraley 33% 

Telly Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. John Goodman 66% 
  2. 2. Jim Belushi 33% 

Big Bird Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Ving Rhames 66% 
  2. 2. Jason Lee 33% 

Rosita Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Rosie Perez 100% 

Sherlock Hemlock Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Burt Reynolds 66% 
  2. 2. Nathan Lane 33% 

Baby Bear Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Alex Neuberger 100% 

Betty-Lou Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Mira Sorvino 100% 

Snuffleupagus Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. John Goodman 50% 
  2. 2. Michael Clarke Duncan 50% 

Mumford the Magician Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Harvey Keitel 100% 

Kermit Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. Nathan Lane 33% 
  2. 2. Matthew Broderick 33% 
  3. 3. Christian Bale 33% 

Guy Smiley Total Votes: 3

  1. 1. George Hamilton 66% 
  2. 2. Bruce Campbell 33% 

Hoots Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Pharoah Sanders 100% 

Humphrey Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Charles Durning 100% 

Mr. Johnson Total Votes: 2

  1. 1. Harvey Fierstein 100% 

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